where am i going?
i don't know
All i know is that i've to start


>> Tuesday, September 22, 2015


i'm being bullied because i'm at the lower end of any hierachy. The only thing i wanna do is stay at home and play my game. At least i'm safest here. i feel low about myself. i don't know what good am i. Clever i am not. There are people out there who just want to make my life miserable. They just want to win, so they just trample on me because i am the most vulnerable, easy to be bullied, because i don't fight back.

because if i do, i'll end up berserk and can hurt anyone physically in my path

i tried everything to make my life work. Everytime i do something it ends up in failure because it's not my destiny, not my fate

and now, the worst is yet to come

an old severe injury of mine is coming back to get me. i am feeling the nagging pain there. If taken care of, i can delay ending up in hospital. However my job will not allow me to do so. In fact, any job.

i have dreamt not once, but a few times of me being on a wheelchair. Perhaps this is my fate.

what have i done to deserve this? where did i go wrong? i tried so hard to live like each day is the last, yet now -



>> Monday, January 26, 2015

so happy to read that Bobby McFerrin is performing in Singapore. Was even happy to read Jeremy Monterio performing on the the same day! but was devastated by the price of the ticket. i understand the high price because Singapore is bringing in big names. Unfortunately, i cannot afford. Sad lah


price comparison

>> Wednesday, November 19, 2014

SGD$499 a Sony 64G mp3/mp4 player? if i'm not mistaken Apple's iPod Classic 160G was a hundred dollars less? a 64G iPod touch costs $398! Surely Sony can do better!


time and Gatchaman Crowds

>> Sunday, June 29, 2014

i like it now. Last time i always miss home, struggled between staying out and going home. Now my weekends are more at home. Should've been that way a long time ago. However i've learnt the right thing the hard way. What i've lost i've gained something else a hundredfold and more, something that money cannot buy, something that friends cannot replace - family.

Also at home i can get to do the things i want, i can concentrate, peaceful weekends as long as i'm alone. i don't have to sweat and have mental breakdowns outside under the hot sun. i've ripped myself away from an obligation which i'd rather lose than have.

i've never felt so peaceful on a weekend like this, with the sun coming in, cheering me up while i'm having a fever.

So, Gatchaman Crowds.

Lemme lament first.

Being a staunch Gatchaman fan, at first glance there's NOTHING in relation to Gatchaman Crowds. It's dang psychedelic to me, and i really almost went mental watching the boy who programmed an AI social media network slowly became from a hero-hater to a hero himself - and willing to cross-dress - -" i wonder this character targets at what type of audience - -" you sure he's a boy and not a girl?! Or is it a girl who's going thru' puberty and her chest hasn't expanded yet and her voice has broken for a short period of time?! O.o

i really don't understand what the main character is doing as she's very abstract to me. It's like she has a dissociative mental illness which was manipulated to be deemed as cute to the mainstream audience. i had to frantically search on the internet, hoping there's an in-depth explanation of her. Thank goodness there's ONE! i have totally FORGOTTEN what i've read.

And what are the freaking bright colours in their headquarters with the soft hypnotic Indian music as if i'm in LSD-land or something like that?! AND THE PANDA ISN'T CUTE!!!!! It looks more like a deranged version of the panda - AAAARGH!!! AND IT DRINKS!!! i give up - -"  XD!!!!

having said those, it's only when i searched on Wikipedia that i understood what similarities this anime has with the old Gatchaman. The more i read, the more i understood. And for some strange reasons the more i DIG IT. i kinda like the setting when the Gatchaman team gathered for their meeting with the leader (who is the voice character of the very first Gatchaman)

Then i began to find more similarities. There's one with the sword, goes by-the-rules. There's the guy called Joe, very like the Joe in old Gatchaman. The "programmer boy" who cross-dresses as a girl...reminds me of a member of Voltron who's very IT savvy

Berg Katse. i thought it was Jun Fukuyama voicing it because it reminds me of the wild bespectacled red-haired Grim Reaper in Kuroshitsuji. However the voice wasn't. So i did a search and - gasp! - Miyano Mamoru who was Setsuna F.Seiei in Gundam 00!!! Actually the latter, to me, gets to do all these drama characters which are tough to do. Someone please give him an award for his outstanding performance as Berg Katse please!

Robinson. Interesting character. Oh goodness he reminds me of Kusuri-Uri in Samurai Horror Tales (Bakemono) / Mononoke!!! In fact, the whole setting in their meeting arena!!! His abstract prophecies give me a mental breakdown too and i'm going like, "#@&!! WHAT IS IT?!!!" XD!!!!!

O.D.  after Joe i find O.D. fascinating. Poor O.D. ..despite his (her? XD!!!) happy crazy self, s/he has a sad story - and you don't want to see him when he gets serious and angry - you really don't. Because it's worst than seeing Gandalf getting angry at Bilbo Baggins in LOTR. It's the silent killer of doom that seeps into your subconsciousness. O.D. very affable, even with children. He has a soft matured facial expression which is rarely seen by the rest of his team-mates. I WANT HIS/HER HAIR!!!!! *giggle* i guess Japan is trying to show tolerance or the animators are showing to the world that they are aware of the reality of this character - or anything similar to it - by allowing this character to be shown to the world from their side?

whatever it is - CAN I HAVE THEIR MERCHANDISE PLEASE?!!!! their soundtrack - i'd realised it was the same composer for Get Backers, one of my fav anime. No wonder why it sounded so familiar yet so super different! i rarely like anime soundtracks, let alone like the WHOLE anime soundtrack. But this - i like ALL!!!!

curious about the 2nd season!!!!!! hope it's as good as the first!!!!!!!




>> Saturday, June 7, 2014

dreams fail, one after another

it's amazing i'm still here - alive, that is.

for some reason i am relieved that i am in the world as it revolves around me

things have changed

but some things have not

it's still so amazing that i'm still here


so long a post

>> Tuesday, April 1, 2014

there are a lot of things i don't understand, like how two people of different personalities can come together despite the problems surrounding them, why people are already there and i'm still struggling, why people still don't understand no matter how hard i try to explain, why am i forced to listen to things when it didn't help in the first dang place

but i have grown, 'cos i wanna work hard to achieve being a person, not someone who gets pulled down by low-self-esteem. i have the skills what not many people have although it is deemed useless by society at large. Who cares. As long as i have a safe bubble to be in while smiling and mingling with strangers with caution

i'm glad there's a change in me. i'm glad some things are clear to me.



>> Wednesday, October 16, 2013

i know i have a lot of things to do...and everything seems urgent but i have no inspirations to do the most urgent first, i don't have the motivation to do the 2nd most urgent and i don't want to do the 3rd one bcos...




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